Short Text Messages, Love Quotes, Funny Jokes

Hafeez Ko Dekh K To Mujhe Apna Bachpan Yad Aata
Hai ..
Pehle Bating B Meri ..
Pehle Bowling B Meri
Aur
Captain B Main :

**********************************

  Wife:
Meri Tabyat Thek Nahi Lag Rahi Hai
Husband:
Ohhh, Par Me To Shoping Pe Jane Ka Soch Raha
Tha...
Wife:
Me Mazaq kar Rahi Thi... :-)
Husband:
Mai Bhi Mazaq kar Raha Tha. Chal uth k Roti Paka...

 **********************************

 Jab Jab Suraj Dhalne Lagta H
Uska Naam Mere Honto Pe Khilne Lagta He
Kuch Is Tarah Se Uski Yaad Aati H
Ki
Zndgi Ka Har Pal Mehakne Lagta He

 **********************************

 At Border Indian officer shouts at
Pakistani Spy,"Goli" Mar dunga.
Pak Spy
Replies:"Goli" se darr nahi lagta
Sahab,"Kohli" se lagta he

Bechara shadi-shuda insaan , biwi
k zulm ka mara !
Patni Bazaar Se Shopping Karke
Ghar Aayi, Pati Ne Dekha Aur Use
Bola
Pati: “Arrey Ye Kya, Tum Ek Aur Suit
Le Aayi? Abhi Parson Hi To…”
Biwi Chilla Kar Boli: “Kya Kaha? Kya
Parso? Bolo… Kya Kaha Tumne? Kya
Parso, Parso Kya, Bolo Jaldi Batao,
Kya Parso? Aj tumari kher ni”
Pati Ghabrate Hue: “Kuch Nahi,
Main To Bas Ye Keh Raha Tha Ki
Parso Bhi Ek Hi Suit Layi Thi, Aaj To
Do Le Aati“ =

 **********************************

 Teacher aur Umpire ek jaise
hote hain..
Dono karte kuch nahi, bas
khade khade Ungli karte rehte
hain.!!

 **********************************

 DRINKERS movies banate toh-
1)Soda Akbar
2)Rab Ne Pila di Thodi
3)Rum de basanti
4)Hum tight ho chuke sanam
5)Beer Zaara
6)Bewde Zameen par. 

********************************** 

 Girl 1 to Girl 2:- U r beautiful.
Girl 2- Thanks, U r beautiful too :)
Boy 1 to Boy 2:- U r handsome.. :)
Boy 2:- Jija banale phir.

 **********************************

 Boss:mere liye ek shisha le ke aao,
Jisme mai apna muh dekh saku...!
Santa:nahi mila sir,
Sab shisho par mera hi Muh Dikhay de raha tha.

 **********************************

 Girl: Meri skin bahut soft and sensitive hai,
aur rang bhi bahut gora hai.
Main sone se pehle kya laga k soya karoon ..??
?
Doctor: Apne room ki kadi......

 **********************************

 A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me forOverspeed,
200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet.

 **********************************

 HoSpital me sare Pagal Ro Rahe te
1 Pagal Chupchup Soya tha.Doctor N Pucha-Tum Q Shanti se Soye ho?
Pagal-Bewakuf,mai mar chuka hu Isliye to sab Ro rhe hai..

 **********************************

 Solid Insult
Wife:Soch rahi hun ap k
sath Dubai,UK ghoom
aaon kitney paise... lagen
ge?
Husband:kuch bhi nahi.
Wife:Wo kaise?
Husband:Sochne k paise
nahi lagtey :

 **********************************

 Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother. Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.

 **********************************

 Lady Teacher: Mujhe Bachon ki Shakal se pata lag jaata hai ki Unke Dimag mai kya Chal raha hai.
Student: "Fir bhi Ap Apna Dupatta sahi nahi kr rahi ho!

 **********************************

  Police: hume khabar mili hai ki aapke ghar me visfotak samgri hai.
Banta: sahab khabar to ekdum pakki hai lekin filhal vo apne mayke gayi hai

 **********************************

 Customar: waiter aisi chai pilao jisko pee kar tan man jhum uthe aur badan nachne lage.
Waiter: sir humare yaha bhens ka dudh aata hai, NAGIN ka nahi...:

 **********************************

 twinkle twinkle little star teri girl friend gyi bazar usko mil gaya dusra yaar uske sahth wo ho gayi fhrar ab tu baith k makhiya mar Qki me hi hu vo kamina yaar

 **********************************

 boy-Frndship karogi?
Girl-Mere parents ijazat nahi dete
Boy-Bahut khoob Mere baap ne to jaise muze ladki set karne ka diploma karaya ho

 **********************************

 Kanjoos baap k bete ne kha:
"Papa meri GF pregnant ho gayi h. 50,000 mang rhi
h, CHUP rehne ke.":
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se paise de diye.
2 mahine
baad dusra beta bola:
"Meri GF pregnant h 75,000 mang rhi h .":
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se de diye.
6 mahine baad
Kanjoos ki kuwari beti boli:
"Daddy, I am pregnant.!";)
Kanjoos ne usko gale se
lagaya aur beti ka maatha
chum ke kaha:
"shabaash beti, ab paise lene ki baari hamari hai..

 **********************************

 GITA UPDESH- mobile nirjiv hai SIM iski aatma hai, SMS wo Gyan hai jo batane se badta hai, ISLIYE hey prani Balance ki moh maya Tyagkar Nirantar SMS karo.......kanjoosi choodo !

 **********************************

 ek ladki : college me nayi chappal pahan ke ati hai.....!
ek ladka : chappal achi hai.....
ladki : nikalukya.....!
other ladke : teri dress to chappal se bhi achi hai.......
ladki :............

 **********************************

 Tere pyaar ki roshni aisi hai ki
har taraf ujaala nazar aata hai
sochta hu ki ghar ki bijli katwa du
kambaqt bill bohat aata hai

 **********************************

 Q:Ladkiya Kabi Khud Pyar Ka Izhar Pehle Q Nhi Krti?
Intresting Ans
Taki Break-up Krte Waqt YeKeh Ske K Tum Mere Piche Pade The
Mai Nhi....

 **********************************

 Aadmi ka Dil Bahut bada hota hai,
Aur Aurat ka Bahut Chhota Dilhota hai.!!
Proof..
Aurat k Dil me
Sirf Uske Lover aur Pati k liye hi Jagah hoti hai!
But
Aadmi ka Dil
itna Bada hota hai ki Usme
Lover Dost ki
Lover Biwi ki dost
Saamne wali
Bajuwali
Uparwali
Neechewali
Sabjiwali
Doodhwali
Kapdewali
Saali
Kaamwali
Bhai Ki Saali
aur
Thodi bahut
PATNI k liye bhi
Jagah hoti hai.!!!.:p =D :D
Sach me,
Aadmi ka Dil Samundar hota hai..

 **********************************

 Train me khadi ldki ne platform par khade ladke se pucha-kon sa station h ye?
Ladka-phon no. dogi to bataunga.
Ladki-hey bhgwan JABALPUR aa gya 

 **********************************

 1Ladka Pepsi Samne Rakh K Udas Baita Tha
Dost aaya Pepsi Pi liya aur pucha Yaar tu Udaas Q He?
 Dost bola Yaar Aaj ka Din hi Bura he.
Subah GF Se Jhagda Ho gaya, Raste Me Car Kharab Ho gayi.
0ffice Late Pahuncha To Boss ne Naukri Se Nikal Diya.
Ab Suicide K Liye Pepsi Me ZAHER Milaya Wo Bhi tu Pi Gya.

 **********************************

 Ek bar santa bank mein paise jama karne gaya.
Officer-ye note fata hai dusra do.
Rajesh-main apne account mein jama kar raha hu; fata karu ya naya karu aapko kya matlab hai. 

 **********************************

 Rohan-yar,pyar hota hai ya karna padta hai.
Mahan-agar ladki khubsurat ho aur scooty par biathi ho to pyar ho jata hai lekin agar ladki khubsurat na ho aur car mein ho to karna padta hai. 

 **********************************

 Girlfrnd:- Am too fed up
From our daily fights
I just wanna break up wid u..
Bf- Ok but first take dis chocolate.
Gf- Aawwww so u dont want me to go,
Manaa rahe ho mujhe chocolate deke.:* :)
Bf:- Nahi meri maa kehti hai
Kuch subh kaam karne se pehle
Muh meetha kar lena chahiye.
"Cadbury dairymilk" khusiyon ki mithas..

 **********************************

 L.K.G. Boy-Tu muzse shadi karogi?
Girl-Nahi
Boy-karo na. Eclairs dunga
Grl-kaise karu, kisi aur se Dairy Milk ki baat ho chuki hai.

 **********************************

 BOY-ek ladki ko rose dete
hue kaha YE RISTA KYA
KEHLATA HAI?
GIRL-pavitra rista
B-to Is pyar ko kya naam du?
G- EK hazaro me meri behna
hai.
Poste

 **********************************

 You know why women starts with 'W'.....
Bcoz all questions starts with 'W'..who?..why?...what?
when?..which?..whom?..where?
&
finally wife...!!! 

 **********************************

 two girls are traveling in a train
Girl-1: Tujhe kaisa pati chahiye?
Girl-2: Mujhe Crorepati chaiiye.
Girl-1: Crorepati na miley to?
Girl-2: 50 lakh ke 2 pati chaleñge.
Girl-1: 50 lakh ke na miley to?
Girl-2: 25 lakh ke 4 pati bhi chaleñge.
UPPER birth pe soya hua Pappu bola:
JAB YE 1000 RUPAYE PE AAYE TO MUJHE UTHA
DENA..!

 **********************************

 Ek shaitan baccha unknown
number se call karta hai..!
Ek aadmi uthata hai!
Admi: Hello!
Baccha: Ullo pullo kullo!
Aadmi: Kaun hai be? Baccha: Ek Insan
Aadmi: Wo pata hai naam bol?
Baccha: Main ek ganda bacha hu!
Aadmi: Teri to aisi ki taisi!
Kahaan rehta hai?
Baccha: Prithvi pe! Aadmi: Wo to pata hai, phone kyu
kiya?
Baccha: Tujhe pareshan karne ke liye!
Aadmi: Ruk saale!
Apne baap ko bula!
Chhakke ki aulaad. Baccha: Hello papa, main Pappu! 

 **********************************

 Ek aurat koma main chali gai .. .
Pati murda samjh kr jalane chala ....
Raste main arthi khambe se takrane se
aurat ko hosh agaya...
1 saal bad aurat sach main mar gai . . .
Sab log RAM RAM SATYA hai bolty ja rahe thy
Lekin
Pati ki zuban pe ek hi baat thi
KHAMBA BACHA ke. .. KHAMBA BACHA ke 

 **********************************

 Kamina pappu
Class Ki Group Photo Dekhte Hue Teachar
Baccho Se Kahne Lagi Ki.......
Jab tum Log Bade Hoke ye dekogeto Kahoge,,,
Ye Raju Hai Jo America Chala Gya..!
Ye Chandu Hai Jo London Chala Gya..!
OR Ye pappu Hai Jo Wahi Ka Wahi Reh Gya..!
pappu ye sunker gusse se Bola:
or Ye Humari Teachar
Hai Jinka dehant(death) Ho gya..

 **********************************

 Bacha:- Bhagwan kare teacher ki
zuban cut jaye. Roz roz dant ti hai.
Next day zuban cut gai..
Bacha :- Bhagwan kare master ka
hath toot jaye. Tang krta hai...
bahut marta hai.
Next day hath toot jata hai...
Bacha :- Bhagwan mere BAAP ko
utha le.
Bahut marte hai.
Next day baap ghar aate hain,
Bacha :- Papa Aapko kuch nahi
hua ??
Baap :- Nahi kyo
Bacha :- Maa kahan hain...??
Baap :- pados me SHARMA uncle ki
death ho gai hai, wahan Gayi
hain..

 **********************************

 Ladki Se Police Ne Poocha: TumNe 50 Aadmi Q Maare...??
.Ladki: Ji Main 60 Ki Speed Se Car Chala Rahi Thi,
Achanak Pata Laga K Break Kaam Nahi Kar Rahi Ab Mere Ek Taraf 2 Aadmi Ja Rahe The Or Ek Taraf Baraat Me Kisay Maarti...??
Police: 2 Aadmiyon Ko Maarti, TaaKi NuQsan Kam HotaLARKI: Ji MeinE ne bhi ye hi KiyaTha,Per Ek Aadmi to niche aa gaya
aur dusra Baraat Ki Taraf Bhaaga kya krti :(.. :p =D :D
smart girl.

 **********************************

 CID Pjs
A 4 Apple
B 4 Banana
wah wah
A 4 Apple
B 4 Banana
Kuch bhi ho jaye Daya goli mat chalana..

 **********************************

 1 bacche ka mota pet dekh kar 2
girls haskar boli:- oye kake.!
Ye paani ka matka kitne ka hai...??

.Bacha gusse me haste huey nikkar utaar ke bola:- ye le tooti samet 50 Rs. Ka..

.**********************************

 Log kehte hai
koshish karte raho
Har raste par hope hai......
Aankhe dhoondti hai aaj bhi us kamine ko....
Jisne kaha tha "arts' lelo zabardast scope hai...

 **********************************

 ek baar santa darwaaza tod kar bazaar mein le ja raha tha tabhi banta ne pucha :- ye darwazaa kahan le ke jaa rha hai? santa:- yaar mein is ka taala kulwane ja raha hu

 **********************************

 1 murgi ne baaj se shadi kr li.
1 murge ne usse kaha kya sare murge mar gaye the?
Murgi-mai kya krti pitaji ki jid thi ki ladka air-force mai hona chaiye

 **********************************

 Teacher to girl: how many planets r there?
Girl: Mars, Venus, Jupiter.
Teacher: Aur batao?
Girl : Bas sahab badiya, aap sunao! 

 **********************************

 Aajkal ki ladhiyon ki dress-
Yahan se less
Wahan se less
Kabhi sleeveless
Kabhi backless
Aur koi ladka ghoor kar dekhe to
KAMINA CHARACTERLESS

 **********************************

 Boy went 2 Drop Aunti,
Aunti - Raat ho gayi hai bitu ke pass so jao.
Boy - anti sofe per so jaunga
NEXT MRNG
A HOT Girl Making A tea
Boy - AAP ?
GRL - i m bitu & u ?
Boy - ULLU ka PATHA..!!

 **********************************

 Dosto,aaj hum 1
ajib Prani ke bareme padhenge..
Is jiv ka naam he..
"Girlfriend".
Yeh aksar College me payi jati hai.
Inka poustik aahar he Boyfriend ka BHEJA aur wallet.
Inhe aksar naraz hone ka NATAK karte hue dekha jata hai.
Is prani ka sabse khatarnak hathiyar he RONA or emotionally blackmail karna.
uske Sampark me rehne se TENSION
naam ki bimari ho sakti he,
Jiska koi ilaaj nahi.
bas inse savdhan rehna
"Bharat Sarkar dwara janhit me jari."

 **********************************

 teacher_ladke or ladki me kya frk h...
stdent_ladki ek saal me ek hi br ma bn skti h...bt
ladka ek saal me kitne b bacho ka papa bn skta ...

 **********************************

 Ladke wale ladki ke ghar aaye,
Or Pucha: Ladki kuch karti bhi hai?
Ladki ki Maa: Han Ji
34 Rupees me Pure 15000 SMS Karti hai
Woh bhi saare ladkon ko!

 **********************************

Read Must :D Dabangg effect-
Sir: Pappu tumhare sare ans galat hai,
marks de to kahan..
Pappu: KAMAL KARTE HO MASTER JI,
MARKS HI TO
MANG RAHE HAI, CHUP CHAP DE DO
WARNA
THAPPAD MAR KE B LE SAKTE HAI.
Sir: Badtameez
kya bak rha hai..
Pappu: BADTAMIZ SE YAAD AYA
MASTER JI, AAPKE
PAPA KAISE HAI..??
Sir: Gadhe,nikal ja class se!
Pappu: CHUP CHAP SE MARKS DE DO
MASTER JI,
WARNA ANS PAPER ME ITNE
CHHEDKARENGE, KI
CONFUSE HO JAOGE KI MARKS KAHA
DE AUR ZEro

**********************************

Ladki apne Boyfriend ko naraz
karne ke baad SMS pe kaise manati hai..!!
1st Hour: Sorry
2nd Hour: Sorry plzz..
3rd Hour: Plzz 1 baar baat karlo.
4th Hour: Plzz reply jaan…
5th Hour: Plzzz itna naraz mat ho..
6th Hour: I’m sorry, I’ll die agar tumne baat nahi ki..
7th Hour: Dafa ho, 100 ladke ghumte haitere jaise..
Sar pe hi chadha jaa rha hai, bhaad me jaa..
Boy: Sorry Dear, balance nahi tha.
Girl: Ohh.. Its okkk love u jaan..

 **********************************

Kya lekar aye thay?
kya lekar jaoge …?
mujhe sms nahi kar k kitne paise bachao ge,
itne paise bacha kar kya..
MOBILE MAIN CNG LAGWAO GE.

**********************************

Aapki bato pe dil haru
WAH! WAH! Aapki surat pe jan waru
WAH! WAH! Jis din nahi aata aap ka sms
dil karta hai aapko
patak-patak ke maru!hahahahaha ­hahaha

 **********************************

Arz kya hai:
Bahaar aane se pehle fiza aa gayi,
ki bahaar aane se pahle fiza aa gayi,
aur
phool khilne se pahle bakri kha gayi.

 **********************************

Girl :ap mujhe lift dein gay to main apko apna cell no: don gi
Boy : Jahan chaho wahan chhor don ga,
Numbr vmbr rehne do,
Bas 100 ka petrol dalwa dena baji:)
Uffff “Mehangai ne larkon ko bhi shareef bana diya hai “

**********************************

Santa: Gehri SOCH Me!
Wyf: Kya Soch Rahe Ho?
Santa: Ye ZEE NEWS Walo Ko Kaise Pata Chalta Hai?!
Wyf: Kya?
Santa: Yehi K,
“AP DEKH RAHE HAI ZEE NEWS”. . .

 **********************************

Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikli.....
Fiteh Mooh Tusin ethevii aa gaye !!!

 **********************************

Fulo Ki Mahak Ko Churaya Nahi Jaata
Suraj Ki Kirano Ko Chhupaya Nahi Jaata
Apni Girlfriend Kitni Bhi Achchhi Ho,
Dusre Ki Girlfriend Ko Bhulaya Nahi Jaata……

 **********************************

Kisi ne humse puchh liya:
'Kaise ho'???
Hamne hans kar kha:
ZINDGI me gum hai,
GUM me dard hai,
DARDme maza hai,
Aur..................
MAZE me hum hai.